Best Jokes

Farmer John was in need of money and decided to try to sell his talking cow Bessie. He put an ad on Craig's List and got a call the first day. The potential buyer came over and wanted to see if indeed Bessie could talk. "My name is Ralph, and I'd like to see your talking cow."

Farmer John led him to the barn where Bessie was. "Here she is," Farmer John said. "I'll ask her a question and she'll answer it. Bessie, what do you call a person who borrows money without intending to pay it back?"

"Moooooo….." said Bessie.

"See? She just said mooch! Here's another one. Bessie, if I wake up feeling crabby, I'm in a bad…."

"Moooooo….." said Bessie.

"Right! A bad mood! One more. Bessie, what is that bright object in the night sky?"

"Moooooo……" answered Bessie.

"The moon! Right! So, ready to take her home, Ralph?"

"You, sir, are an idiot! I wouldn't buy diddly squat from you! Good bye!"

Farmer John pondered for a moment, then asked Bessie, "I think that last question still didn't convince him. What do you think, Bessie?"

Bessie replied, "I think you're right. I probably should have said Venus!"

Relish today, Ketchup tomorrow.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns behind his ears...

I just think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

Why did the computer programmer call his mother long distance?

Because that was her name.