Best Jokes

The government has a vast scrap yard in the middle of the desert. The congressman whose district it's in says someone might steal from it at night, so congress creates a night watchman, GS-4 position and hires a person for the job. Then the congressman asks, "How does the watchman do his job with out instruction?"

So congress creates a planning position and hires two people - one person to write the instructions, a GS-12, and one person to do time studies, a GS-11.

"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" the congressman asks.

So Congress creates a quality control position and hires a GS-9 to do quality control studies and a GS-11 to write the reports. Then the congressman asks "How are these people going to get paid?"

So congress authorizes a positions of timekeeper, GS-9, and payroll officer, GS-11, and two people are hired to fill the slots.

"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" the congressman asks.

So they hire three people, and administrative officer, GS-13, an assistant administrative officer GS-12, and a legal secretary, a GS-8. On the eve of the next election season the congressman looks at the cost and says, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $40,000 over budget. We must cutback overall costs."

So they lay off the night watchman.

A girl drew a picture of a car on a long road with a driver and 2 people in back seat and there were tree's in the background.

They ask her what story did that represent.

She said that is when God drove Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden.

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you right now."

How does one feel where there's no coffee?

Depresso!