Best Jokes

Ventriloquist: Hey buddy. Why don't you spell Apple for the audience.

Dummy: Can I go to the bathroom first?

Ventriloquist: Come on just spell Apple.

Dummy: I really need to go.

Ventriloquist: Just spell Apple first.

Dummy: All right. Apple. A-L-E

Ventriloquist: A-L-E? What happened to the P-P?

Dummy: It's running down your arm.

You know you're getting old, when walk past a cemetery and two guys begin running after you with shovels.

Son: Dad, will you remember me in 5 years?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 1 year?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 6 months?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 1 month?
Dad: Yes

Son 1 week?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 5 days?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 5 hours?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 1 hour?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 30 minutes?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 1 minute?
Dad: Yes.

Son: 1 second?
Dad: Yes.

Son: Knock Knock
Dad: Who's there?
Son: See, you forgot me already!!!

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have...

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.