Best Jokes

A grandma lovingly gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, she noticed the little girl wiping her cheek.

“Are you wiping off my kiss?” she asked.

“No”, she smartly replied, somewhat embarrassed but quick on her feet, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

Wife comes downstairs and asks her husband, who is lying on a sofa, "What have you been doing?"

He replies, "Killing Flies."

"How many you have killed so far?"

"Five, three males and two females."

"How did you figure that out?"

"Well, three were sitting on the remote and two were sitting on the phone."

"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to school."

"But why? I don't want to go to school."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

"One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

"Oh, that's no reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

"Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"

"One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal!"

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man, "This donkey has been trained in a very unique way. The only way to make the donkey go is to say Hallelujah, and the only way to make it stop is to say Amen."

The man immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" he shouted. And immediately the donkey began to trot. "Amen!" he shouted again, and the donkey stopped immediately.

"This is great," he said. With Hallelujah he rode off very proud of his purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "STOP!" he blurted, "HALT!" he blurted again. The donkey just kept going, "Oh no, Bible! Church! Please stop!" cried the man.

He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Finally in desperation, the man said a prayer, "Please, dear God, please make this donkey stop before i go off this mountain, in Jesus name, AMEN!"

The donkey came to an abrupt stop, just one step from the edge of the cliff. After a brief moment to catch his breath, the man joyously said, "HALLELUJAH!"