Never spill hot espresso on yourself because it hurts a latte!
How do you make a politician laugh?
It's easy, just let them get away with something. The worse it is, the harder they laugh.
A man goes into a patent office. He tells the clerk that he’s invented a baseball bat that dings when you hit the ball.
The clerk yells into the back room, "Hey Frank, it’s your turn, we have another 'ding bat'!"
Now that I'm getting older I seem to be gaining a different perspective on life.
When people say "have a good one", I reply, "At my age, I just want to have one!"