Now that I'm getting older I seem to be gaining a different perspective on life.
When people say "have a good one", I reply, "At my age, I just want to have one!"
I hope when I die, it's early in the morning...
So I don't go to work that day for no reason.
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller!