Best Jokes

A friend of mine was having a bit of marital-tension in his household and was trying to figure out just what to do about it.

In the course of our conversation, I said to him, "You know, quite often God speaks to us through our wives."

My friend looked at me and said, "Oh yeah? Well I'm pretty sure God doesn't use that kind of language!"

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from.

He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."