Best Jokes

Lord, Give me coffee to change the things i can change...

... and wine to accept the things I can't.

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

A teacher was telling her class about plant names that have the word "dog" in them, such as dog-rose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another flower with the preface "dog".

Steven raised his hand and said, "Sure Miss Jones. How about a 'collie' flower?"

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news, "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979!"

"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.

"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac!"