Best Jokes

Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood...

...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I'm just trying to find a happy medium

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don’t exist until he wants something.

An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.

Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the busy waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time.