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Favorite this joke A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
The man quickly responds, "The attorney's."
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
A bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers and got into an argument about which of them was the greatest.
The judge said, "When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect."
The bishop said, "They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring."
To which the conductor replied, "Ha! I got you both beat. When I step on the podium people look down, cover their eyes, and say 'Oh my God!'"
Changing Resolutions...
2010: I will get my weight down below 160 pounds.
2011: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 180 pounds.
2012: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2013: I will work out every day.
2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week and eat fewer cookies.
There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 19...
His name was Constant-Teen.
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