Best Jokes

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it's Dublin!

As the herd of cows were traveling, one of them was falling behind.

She shouted out to the others that she could not run any faster.

She shouted, "Slow down, my calves are killing me!"

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door, and said "He can work for you, but it will cost you $500."

"That much?" asked the man.

"But you're getting my husband and his otter," said the wife. "They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"But I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350," the man countered.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

My neighbor was afraid to grow a fruit tree.

I told him to grow a pear.