Best Jokes

Bacon was definitely the 
first-round draft pick in the BLT...

No one’s building a sandwich around lettuce!

Client: Doctor, how much you charge for visiting a patient's house?

Doctor: I charge $50.

The doctor and client drove to the client's house in the former's car. The doctor didn't find any patient and asked, "Where's the patient?"

The client replied, "Well, there's no patient here doc. The taxi fare to my house was $75. I just needed a ride home. Here's your $50. Thank you."

My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.

They banged and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"

I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this one’s for you!"

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...

I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.