Best Jokes
Favorite this joke "I think grandpa mistook his smart phone for an empty glass of wine."
"Why do you say that?"
"He just threw it in the fireplace."
A boy was talking to his kindergarten friend at recess. He said, "When I grow up I want to be the big bad wolf."
"Why?" asked his friend.
"Because I want to deliver presents to kids all over the world on Christmas," he replied.
Looking puzzled his friend said, "I believe you’re thinking of Santa Claus."
"Nope," he replies, "it’s the big bad wolf. How else are you going to put presents in locked houses?"
"Then what does Santa Clause do?" asked the friend.
"Santa puts money under your pillow if you lose a tooth. Next recess I’ll tell you how Little Red Riding hood met the three bears. Oh and why the Easter Bunny hangs out with the three little pigs who went wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
"How do you know all this stuff?"
"It’s easy, mom makes my dad read to me every night."
A disheveled man was standing on a busy city corner. With open palms toward the sky he yells out give me a sign, I just need a sign.
The manager of a pizza restaurant walks out and hands the man a sign. He says just wave it at the passing cars!
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, lets see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make anyone blush. When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm not a catholic."
The nun says, "That's OK My name is Gary and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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