Latest Jokes

During weekly visits to my allergist, I’ve noticed a lot of inattentive parents with ill-behaved children in the waiting room. So I was impressed one day to see a mother with her little boy, helping him sound out the words on a sign.

Finally he mastered it and his mother cheered, "That’s great! Now sit there. I’ll be back in 15 minutes."

What did the sign say?

"Children must not be left unattended."

My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates it. One weekend he cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.

At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put Mommy in jail."

He looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, "How long would you have to stay?"

With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.

After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled, "Go to sleep, I'm watching TV."

"But Dad," he protested, "my room is still on fire!"

A little boy goes to the doctor and tells him, "I'm smart Doc!"

The doctor says, "Really?" He then points to the boys foot and says, "What's that?"

"That's my foot."

"Very good," says the Doc. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys knee.

"That's my knee."

"Excellent."

"Now, what's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys elbow.

"My elbow."

"Wow. How do you know all this stuff?"

" Kidneys Doc, kidneys," the boy says touching his head.