Teacher decides to teach the class logic. She asks the class if there were three birds on a telegraph wire and the farmer fired his gun at them, how many birds would be left?
Little Jane said two miss, that's good.
Little Mary said three because he missed, that's good.
Now Little Johnny at the back of the class said there were none miss because the noise of the gun would frighten them away.
That's very good Johnie said the teacher, I like the way you are thinking.
Little Johnny said to the teacher, can I ask you a question miss? Yes of course you can, the teacher replied.
If there were three ladies walking along the beach and each one had an ice cream. One was licking it, one was biting it and one was sucking it, which one was married?
Well said the teacher, I suppose it was the one that was sucking it.
Wrong miss, it was the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you were thinking.
At dinner with friends and family Johnny was asked to say the prayer. "But I don't know how to pray," he replied.
"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc," said his father.
"Okay," the boy said.
"Dear Lord,.. Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbors son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on the bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on my Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work....AMEN"
Dinner was cancelled.
A preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does, just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."