Little Johnny's dad noticed the pet turtle was turning grey and was not going to live much longer. He tried to prepare the boy for the sad event. "Johnny your turtle is not looking so good and he might die. If he does you and I will make a little box for him, invite your friends over and have ice cream, cake, play games, and then bury the turtle under the big tree. Then we will go to the store and get a new turtle."
Dad was satisfied he had done his best and waited for Johnny's response. "Dad," said Johnny after a thoughtful moment, "let's kill it."
Johnny's teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked, "Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"
"They was in, but they is out now," he answered.
The teacher gasped, "Why, Mr. Johnny Morton, it is 'They were in, but they are out now.' Where's your grammar?"
"She's upstairs taking her nap."
Teacher decides to teach the class logic. She asks the class if there were three birds on a telegraph wire and the farmer fired his gun at them, how many birds would be left?
Little Jane said two miss, that's good.
Little Mary said three because he missed, that's good.
Now Little Johnny at the back of the class said there were none miss because the noise of the gun would frighten them away.
That's very good Johnie said the teacher, I like the way you are thinking.
Little Johnny said to the teacher, can I ask you a question miss? Yes of course you can, the teacher replied.
If there were three ladies walking along the beach and each one had an ice cream. One was licking it, one was biting it and one was sucking it, which one was married?
Well said the teacher, I suppose it was the one that was sucking it.
Wrong miss, it was the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you were thinking.