Best Jokes

$15.00 won 9 votes

On a recent flight to Chicago it seemed that all the departure times were coming and going.

I inquired to the ticket agent, "What good are the departure times?"

"Well," began the genial agent, "if it weren't for those posted departure times we'd have no way of finding out how late we depart."

9 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 9 votes
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My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often turns to me for advice. Recently I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?"

"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband saying, "Yeah, hi, honey. Uh…what should I feed Lily for lunch?"

9 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Denis" |
$15.00 won 9 votes

A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.

With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court."

"My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."

9 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

One Saturday Little Johnny went fishing at a pond that was close to his house. After a couple hours of fishing the owner of the pond approached and indicated to Little Johnny that there was a "No Fishing" sign.

Little Johnny replied, "Well the fellow that printed that sign knew what he was talking about."

9 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |