Shop assistant: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small.
Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on?
Psychic: I'm a medium.
Pete: "What's that you have in your buttonhole?"
Donald: "That's a chrysanthemum."
Pete: "It looks like a rose to me!"
Donald: "Your wrong, its a chrysanthemum."
Pete: "Then spell it."
Donald: "K-r-i-s.....your right, it is a rose."
You have $400 and your daughter calls and needs $250. Later on you son calls and needs $100.
What do you have left?
$400 and 2 missed calls!
Different views on doing laundry...
Son away at college: If it's clean it goes on the floor. If it's dirty it goes on the floor over there.
Husband while wife is away: If I just take things out of the hamper as I need them, I do not have anything to fold.
Wife: With the amount of laundry I do, there must be more people living in this house!