Best Jokes

The well known concert pianist agreed to listen to a friend's daughter play the piano. He was a very polite man and didn't make a wry face, even though he wanted to.

"Do you think I should go to the conservatory in Paris?" she asked after she had finished.

"It can't hurt," he replied hastily. "There are many eligible bachelors there."

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram...

I was like 0mg!

A new remote control for your television was being developed that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. The new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.

This is just one more step to inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O.
The company spokesman indicated it wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because it has been discovered that most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all.

My husband made me mad today so I poured some water in front of the washer.

He’s been in there for 2 hours trying to fix the washer.