Best Jokes

$12.00 won 9 votes

Mr. Maxey was visiting his lawyer to discuss how unreasonable his wife was being.

Lawyer: "What were you and your wife fighting about this time?"

Mr. Maxey: "I pointed out that she was trying to drive a nail in the wall with a hair brush. Is this any reason to get mad?"

Lawyer: "Is that all you said?"

Mr. Maxey: "Well, I just suggested that she would have better luck using her head."

9 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "barber7796" |
$15.00 won 9 votes

For Martin Luther King Day, I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place.

One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an appetizer.”

9 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "srg" |
$10.00 won 9 votes

I recently compared the cost of living in nursing homes vs cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked cruise ship reservations and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day for 10 meals or room service (breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. The cruise ship swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken, light bulb out? Everything plus clean sheets and towels every day.
8. If you fall and break you hip: nursing home/Medicare. Cruise ship/upgrade to a suite forever.

Yep, Cruising is for me!

9 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$50.00 won 9 votes
rating rating rating rating rating
 

ME: "I will take $50 on pump one please..."

BARTENDER: "Sir, please get your mouth off the keg!"

9 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Chloe2015" |