Best Jokes

Two friends met after not seeing each other for a couple of months.

Bill: "Jack, you look like you not doing well?"

Jack (swiping the sweat off his brow): "I ain't been ill. It's the work doing me in. Working from seven in the morning till six at night. Only one hour for a break. Think of it. Very taxing on ones body."

Bill: "Wow, and how long has this been going on? How long you been working for that company?"

Jack: "Oh, I haven't been there yet. I begin tomorrow," he added gloomily.

A horse had won a gallop role in a dozen TV Westerns in a single week. He neighed to a colt in the next stall, "All this churning of the midnight oil is wearing me down. I no longer know if I am coming or going."

"You can't continue this way," agreed the colt. "Why not consult your veterinarian? He'll probably prescribe complete rest."

"Not a chance," sighed the horse wearily. "He's also my agent."

A man was staggering home drunk in the early hours of the morning when he was stopped by a police officer.

“What are you doing out at this time of night?” asked the officer.

“I’m going to a lecture,” said the drunk.

“And who’s going to be giving a lecture at this hour?”

“My wife.”

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I'm homeless.