Best Jokes
Favorite this joke What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree."
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes.
Sid offers Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.
After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball, you look over there," he says to Sid.
After five minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?!?"
"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"
"And a liar, too!!!" Sid says with amazement. "I've been standing on your golf ball for the last five minutes!"
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
Free Daily Joke