A Sunday school teacher asked little Susie, "Who's your favorite person in the Bible?"
Susie said, "King Solomon."
"Can you tell us why?"
"Because he was so nice to ladies and to animals."
"What do you mean?"
"He had six hundred wives and three hundred porcupines."
Why shouldn't you play basketball with a pig?
Because it'll hog the ball!
Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar. Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly so irate?"
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate."
A New Yorker noticed a guy in a cowboy hat and boots standing and staring at Niagara Falls.
Figuring he must be a Texan he walks up beside him and says, "I bet you don't have anything like that in Texas do ya?"
The Texan replied, "No sir, we don't. But, we have a plumber in Waxahachie that can fix it!"