Best Jokes

3 votes

I grilled a chicken for two hours...

It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "I am innocent" |
$50.00 won 3 votes

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

"Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?"

"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"

"Most certainly do."

"What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "merk" |
$15.00 won 3 votes

Little Johnny: "Mom, Dad just backed out of the garage and ran over my bicycle!"

Mom: "Maybe in the future you shouldn't leave it on the front lawn."

3 votes

posted by "Kathy Harrington" |
$12.00 won 3 votes

Joe: "Say Moe, I'll bet you $10 that I can prove to you that I'm not actually here."

Moe: "Not actually here? That makes no sense."

Joe: "Well then, I'll prove it. Am I in Chicago?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "Am I in New York?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "Am I in Hawaii?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "If I'm not in any of those places, I must be somewhere else, and if I'm somewhere else, then I'm not here. I'll take my $10 now, please."

Moe: "How can I pay you if you're not here?"

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Kathy Harrington" |