Best Jokes

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble that they were having in the apartment building where they all lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3."

The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere."

The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?"

The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public."

"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?"

"Lard ass."

Bo tells Jed, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go."

"Well, what are you going to do, then?" Jed asks.

"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."

"Yeah," Jed agrees.

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."

"I remember," Jed says.

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

"So," Jed asks, "what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"Well," Bo replies, "this year I'm taking Earlene with me."

One day two brothers named trouble and none of your business was out playing, trouble said you wanna play hide and seek, none of your business said sure, so none of your business counted while trouble went and hid. None of your business was looking under the cars and the police said son what's your name? The boy said none of your business, the police stunned said son are you looking for trouble? The boy said why yes!!!!