Best Jokes

$15.00 won 3 votes

Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:

- "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock."

- "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."

- "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."

- "Of course I'll respect you in the morning."

- "You don't look a day over 40."

- "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study."

- "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite."

- "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same."

- "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself."

- "Your hair looks just fine."

- "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there."

- "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee."

3 votes

posted by "merk" |
$25.00 won 3 votes

Man (to his boss): "Can we talk? I have a problem."

Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"

Man: "Ok then, I have a serious drinking opportunity."

3 votes

posted by "aod318" |
3 votes

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

3 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
3 votes

Two new work crews were putting in telephone poles. At the end of the day the foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had done.

"Twelve," was the reply. Then he asked the second crew and they said, "two."

"Two?" shouted the foreman. "The others did twelve!"

"Yeah," answered the leader of the second crew, "but you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground."

3 votes

posted by "HENNE" |