Best Jokes

The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard foreman opened the door.

"Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.

"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."

"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer. "We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."

"Did you ever pause and think about the opportunities you missed?"

"Nah, It would be just my luck to miss some more while I was reflecting."

A man is convinced he has telekinesis. A group of scientists finally agree to test his claim. The man is placed in a room with a cup on an edge of a table. The scientists tell the man to knock the cup off the table using the telekinesis. The man stares with complete and utter focus but with no results.

For weeks the experiment continues, the man sits there staring at the cup with relentless ferocity but nothing happens. Suddenly, without warning, an earthquake strikes, shaking the table and causing the cup to slide off and come crashing down onto the floor. At that, the man turns to the scientists with a smile and says, “See!”

The scientists say, “Yeah, but you didn’t cause the cup to fall, the earthquake did.”

The man says, ”What do you think caused the earthquake?”