Best Jokes

"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist.

"I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come. Then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream?"

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding, "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"

A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.

"You don't understand, sir," my friend said. "I'm in the wedding."

"No, YOU don't understand," the officer replied. "You're in the Navy."

NEW!!! In Safeway Stores Everywhere... Google brand cell phones in a can!

You can find them in aisle '6' next to the latest I-Phone '7'.

'Generic' SD Memory Cards can be found in the 'pharmacy'.

Phone 'chargers' can be found, where else, but in 'Automotive' Department.

To Activate: Read directions carefully on cell phone can. When Google wrote the activation directions, he must have temporarily lost his own 'memory card'. So directions may be quite erratic and hard to follow. Good luck!

Working as a secretary in an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day, security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room.

After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there and don't you come out until you're told!"

The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released the very frightened telephone repairman.