Best Jokes

$25.00 won 3 votes

Saw a sign at a store that said, "We treat you like family."

I'm not going in there.

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "aod318" |
3 votes

I knew that Charlotte was cheating on me when she said that she was shopping with Jessie.

Meanwhile, Jessie was right next to me having dinner.

I was so hurt and disappointed.

3 votes

posted by "starkepatrik" |
3 votes

Here's how I will improve my odds if I were a Bond-film-villain:

• I will not burst into rage and kill the messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

• My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

• If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether to switch with him.

• My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

• When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say no and finish him off.

3 votes

posted by "srinu" |
$5.00 won 3 votes

Why are perforations on a piece of paper a bad idea?

Because they're just tearable!

3 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "zieglarnatta" |