A six-year-old said grace at family dinner one evening. "Dear God, thank You for the pancakes."
When she concluded, her mother asked her why she thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken-pot-pie.
She smiled and said, "I thought I would check to see if He was paying attention."
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a car from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the car the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The car broke down."
"OK, well, just return my money to me," Kenny said.
"Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it."
"OK then, just unload the car," said Kenny.
"Whatcha gonna do with it?" asked the farmer.
"I'm going to raffle it off," Kenny replied.
"You can't raffle off a broken-down car!" the farmer exclaimed.
"Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody it doesn't work."
A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the car?"
"I raffled it off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer.
Kenny proudly replied, "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back."
The teacher asked her students, “Who can tell me what the ruler of Russia was called?”
“Czar,” the class replied in unison.
“Correct. And what was his wife called?”
“Czarina,” the class replied.
“Good! And what were his children called?”
A timid voice piped up, “Czardines?”
A Yankee tourist in London went aboard the old battleship "Victory", which was Lord Nelson's flagship in several of his famous navel triumphs.
An English sailor escorted the Yank over the vessel, and coming to a raised brass tablet on the deck, he said, as he reverently removed his hat, "This, sir, is the spot where Lord Nelson fell."
"Oh, it is," replied the American. "Well, that ain't nothing. I nearly tripped on that darn thing myself."