Best Jokes

$9.00 won 3 votes

A lady went into a pet shop to buy a bird. She saw one that interested her. “What kind of bird is that?” she asked the salesman.

“That is a crunch bird,” he replied. Let me show you what he can do.

“Crunch bird, my paper!” the man ordered. The bird flew down and in one gulp ate up the sheet of paper.

“Crunch bird, my pencil!” The crunch bird swooped down and swallowed the pencil.

“He’s wonderful!” said the lady. “I’ll buy him.”

The lady brought the bird home. Her husband looked at the bird and wondered what kind of bird it was. He had never seen a bird quite like it before.

“That, my dear,” the wife boasted, “is a crunch bird.”

The husband scratched his head. “Crunch bird?” he said. “Crunch bird, my foot!”

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Dan the Man 009" |
$6.00 won 3 votes

If the human population held hands around the equator...

A significant portion of them would drown.

3 votes

posted by "wadejagz" |
$15.00 won 3 votes

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.

3 votes

posted by "merk" |
3 votes

A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery.

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry, and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweler.

"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."

3 votes

CATEGORY Police Jokes
posted by "merk" |