Best Jokes

After a vigorous workout at a local health club, Joe was finishing up his post workout shower and shave. As he was he finishing up his shave, Joe answered the cell phone after 5 rings.

He said into the phone, "I would go with the Lexus SUV rather than the KIA sedan... I think you should also go with the leather instead of the cloth interior... You asked about the 14 inch wheels vs. the 16 inch, I would go with the 16 inch... And power seats and all other power features and options... As to the color, you should pick what you like."

He then hung up the cell phone. After another minute he picked up the cell phone again and said in a loud voice so even the guys still in the shower could hear him, "HEY, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHOSE CELL PHONE THIS IS?"

One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later, that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant.

Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure thing."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "NO, SIR!"