Best Jokes

“I’d like two pork chops,” asked the woman to her butcher, “and make them lean.”

“Yes ma’am,” said the polite butcher, standing then on end. “Which way?”

Whomever put the first 'r' in February must have put the first 'd' in Wednesday.

A farmer was running back home when it started to rain. Then suddently he slipped and fell into a muddy puddle.

Suddenly lightning flashed across the sky. The farmer annoyed shouted to the sky saying "First you get me wet. Then you put mud all over my clothes. Now, as if that wasn't enough YOU'RE TAKING A PHOTO OF ME !!!!".

A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”