Why is there no egg in eggplant?
Why is there no ham in a hamburger?
How come English Muffins do not come from England?
How come French Fries do not come from France?
Why doesn’t pineapple contain apples or pines?
How come a Guinea Pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea?
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
"Oh, I'm so happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his dad's side. "Now maybe mom will do the trick she has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"I heard her tell daddy," the little boy answered, "that she would climb the walls if you came to visit us again.
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed.
"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"