Best Jokes

Know a sure way to bug your wife or girlfriend?

When they ask you that loaded question, "How do I look?", just say, "With your eyes."

Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of the dads gives them both a bit of advice. "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle."

At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads."

"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men.

"And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too!" adds the other.

Politician (to his lawyer): I'll admit it was a miracle you were able to clear my name. However, I don't understand why you charged me three times the hours of actual work?

Lawyer: It has to do with the law.

Politician: Do you mean to tell me the law told you to triple bill me?

Lawyer: No, but for some odd reason the law doesn't allow me to write the word "bribe" on a billing statement.

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.

Bad: She keeps interrupting.

Worse: With corrections.