Best Jokes

Two friends are talking over lunch in an outdoor patio.

"So what are you doing for summer vacation?" one asks.

The other one replies, " I want to go to Italy again, like last year."

The first asks, "Wow! You went to Italy last year?"

The other answers, "No, but I wanted to."

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

I’m not interested in any diet plan...

Unless of course it lets me use rollover calories!

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”