Teacher at PTA group meeting one evening...
"All right, class! Let us show your parents and our guests here tonight how much you have learned about patriotism and citizenship. Can any student please tell me why November 3rd is so important and always remembered?"
A small hand is raised in the back... "Yes, Johnny. Please share with us."
Johnny stands up and answers: "That day is so important to Americans and will always be remembered because we won't see non-stop political ads anymore till the next election."
Wife #1: "Hey, you look sad, what's the trouble?"
Wife #2: "Domestic trouble."
Wife #1: "But you always bragged that your husband is a pearl!"
Wife #2: "He still is. It's the mother-of-pearl that makes all the trouble."
My son wanted a proper drum kit for his birthday but I got him a miniature one.
I'm now expecting wee percussions.
Halfway between New York City and Washington DC the train's engine fell silent.
"I've got good news and bad news," the conductor announced. "The bad news is that we lost power."
The passengers groaned.
"The good news," he added, "is we weren't cruising at 30,000 feet."