Two cab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
What did the dinosaur eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
The dentist!
Grandpa always said when one door closes, another one opens...
Great man, horrible cabinet maker.
A gorilla walks into a bar and, to the amazement of the bartender, orders a martini. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he is further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.
The bartender takes the $20 bill, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla $1 change. The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
"We don't get too many apes in here," he says.
The gorilla replies, "At $19 a drink, I'm not surprised."