Best Jokes

My neighbor’s wife came running up to me in the driveway the other day just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping just long enough to tell me that she was pregnant. I was happy for her. I know they have been trying for a long time. I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said “Oh, there’s more!”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we’re not having just ONE baby. We’re going to have TWINS!”

Amazed that she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked how she knew this.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the Twin-Pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

A load of irons were stolen from a launderette...

Police want to do a press conference.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God’s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "You protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.