A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast.
The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages.
A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$75 due for a consultation."
Marine corporal (at a party): "Do you see that officer over there? He is the meanest egg I have ever seen. He is an ugly sap of an officer."
She: "Do you know who I am? I am that officer's daughter."
Corporal: "Do you know who I am?"
Little Johnny's aunt was visiting and going on and on about her husband. "When he went overseas during the last war he carried my picture through every battle."
Little Johnny interrupted her with a question, "Did he use it to scare the enemy off?"
The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married. "How long have you known this girl," the sergeant asked.
"Why, my lad, that's not long enough. I suggest you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married I will approve the furlough."
Two months later the soldier was back, reminding the sergeant of his promise.
"So you still want to get married? I didn't think that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for a couple of months."
"I know, sir. But this isn't the same girl."