Best Jokes

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror...

He just has a note taped to the wall that says, “Don’t worry about it.”

My 18-year-old daughter and I were watching TV when a character with my maiden name—Lester Highsmith—was introduced.

"I’ve never heard my name on TV before," I said.

My daughter was equally surprised. "Your name used to be Lester?"

A girl asked an old bachelor friend whether he had been disappointed in love?

"No, I never was exactly disappointed in love. I was what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became much enamored with a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feelings, but at last I got the courage to the proposing point. I said 'Let's get married!'"

"And what did she say?

"She said, 'Good Lord, Who'd have us.'"

Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."

Slim: "Did he keep it?"

Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."