Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."
Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."
Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."
I went bald early in life...
I have a comb...
I just can’t part with it.
"Why is your book so old?"
"What do you expect, it's my history book!"
Wife: I hate that beggar.
Wife: That rascal, yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a Cookbook!