During the spelling period the teacher asked the class: "Will anyone volunteer to spell matrimony?"
Little Johnny, being sort of a precocious young boy, stood up and promptly spelled matrimony.
"Now define it," said the teacher.
Little Johnny replied, "Well, I don't exactly know what it means, but my Aunt Mary says she's had enough of it."
Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."
Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."
Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."