Best Jokes

A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says, "I have faith, God will save me."

The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says, "I have faith, God will save me."

The man is now getting tired but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away saying, "I have faith, God will save me."

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replies, "I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!"

A man stops by his local florist shop to buy flowers for his new girlfriend. He asks the proprietor, "You know the expression, 'You should say it with flowers'?"

"How about three dozen of my finest roses?" the florist asks.

"Make it a half dozen roses," the man answers. "I'm a man of few words."

During the spelling period the teacher asked the class: "Will anyone volunteer to spell matrimony?"

Little Johnny, being sort of a precocious young boy, stood up and promptly spelled matrimony.

"Now define it," said the teacher.

Little Johnny replied, "Well, I don't exactly know what it means, but my Aunt Mary says she's had enough of it."

Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."

Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."

Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."