Best Jokes

$6.00 won 10 votes

A newcomer to the neighborhood consulted one of the established residents in regard to a doctor.

"My little daughter," she explained, "has swallowed a gold piece and has got to be operated on. I wonder if Dr. Robertson is to be trusted?

"Without a doubt," her neighbor assured her, "he's absolutely honest."

10 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Everleigh" |
$50.00 won 10 votes

The neighborhood I lived in had a storm rapidly pass through.

When I returned home from work I noticed our outbuilding was gone.

Asking my wife about it, her reply was simple, "Gone with the Wind!"

10 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "barber7796" |
$6.00 won 10 votes

Theater patron 1: "There was a fire in the dressing room of the star backstage. The firemen were there for six hours."

Theater patron 2: "Am I understanding you correctly that it took six hours to put out a fire in the dressing room?"

Theater patron 1: "Oh no, it took only one hour to put out the fire. It took another five hours to put out the fireman."

10 votes

Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Pshark1998" |
$12.00 won 10 votes

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm.

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night.
Senior: Calls Domino's every other night.

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer.

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house.

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.

10 votes

CATEGORY College Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "wildcats3333" |