A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000.
When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, "It was quite small, but tasted very good."
He asked her, after her shocking reply, "Mom, that was a $5000 bird that can speak five languages and you ate him?"
"Well, if he could speak five languages he should have spoken up."
There once was an old monk that lived up on top of a mountain. He walked 10 miles barefoot every day and had terrible breath due to his position on non-natural objects and foods.
He called himself The Truth-Carrier, but everyone in the small mountaineering town knew him as a super calloused fragile mystic with chronic halitosis.