Best Jokes

$8.00 won 3 votes

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."

"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."

The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main chute. Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve chute. Nothing happened.

He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "merk" |
3 votes

The road we were on led us to a covered bridge just as another car approached from the opposite direction. At an impasse, the other driver—clearly feeling wronged—shouted, "I never back up for idiots!"

My friend put her car in reverse and replied, "I do."

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
3 votes

There is an old story about the data center of the future.

This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog.

The man's job is to feed the dog.

The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |
3 votes

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

3 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |