Best Jokes

$25.00 won 3 votes

We were driving in my friend Larry's new car. I asked him about its features.

He listed the usual, then added: "It tells me to slow down as I approach the speed limit. It warns me when I have to stop. It points out solid no-passing lines."

I expressed my amazement.

"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife is in the car."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "merk" |
$15.00 won 3 votes

How far is it from the Earth to the Sun?

10 CVS receipts.

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "nerdasaurus" |
$8.00 won 3 votes

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."

"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."

The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main chute. Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve chute. Nothing happened.

He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "merk" |
$10.00 won 3 votes

Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8 yr old nephew: "To get to the idiot's house."

Me: "Oh... uh... yeah, good one, haha."

8 yr old nephew: "Wanna hear another one? Knock knock..."

Me: "Who's there?"

8 yr old nephew: "The chicken."

3 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
posted by "aod318" |