Best Jokes

I recently got a catalog from a company I wasn't familiar with. Not wanting to be cheated I sent them a letter saying, "With all the fraud and misrepresentation I don't know who to trust. Send me the merchandise and if it's any good I'll send you a check."

A week later I got a letter back from the company saying, "We have the same problem you have. Send us a check. If it's any good we'll send you the merchandise."

Tech: "Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?"

User: (describes problem)

Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)

User: "Sorry, I don't understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"

Tech: "Okay... 'Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'"

When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions. One day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters 'H' like in hour, honest, honor, etc?"

Ms. Doris replied, "We are not ignoring them. They are considered silent."

During the lunch break, Ms. Doris gave me her packed lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria. I ate all the food and returned her an empty container.

Ms. Doris asked me, "What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Doris, I thought the 'H' was silent."