A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer. The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch," he bragged.
The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once."
I recently got a catalog from a company I wasn't familiar with. Not wanting to be cheated I sent them a letter saying, "With all the fraud and misrepresentation I don't know who to trust. Send me the merchandise and if it's any good I'll send you a check."
A week later I got a letter back from the company saying, "We have the same problem you have. Send us a check. If it's any good we'll send you the merchandise."
Tech: "Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?"
User: (describes problem)
Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)
User: "Sorry, I don't understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"
Tech: "Okay... 'Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'"