Best Jokes

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks.

"All right, maggots, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?"

Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row, "My recruiter!"

My 7 year-old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans.

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but... look at the phones that kids your age are making in China!"

Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?

They have more of an Elon Musk

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.

She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect!

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.