Best Jokes

I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.

I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.

She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said, "you still have me."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"

Newlywed Husband: "Are we still planning on having children, dear?"

Newlywed Wife: "Well, considering how many times I've dropped my iPhone in the past, I really think that we should hold off on this whole baby thing for awhile."