Best Jokes

3 votes

I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target and...

Long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.

3 votes

posted by "wadejagz" |
3 votes

When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused.

It must have been the delivery.

3 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "ERS" |
$5.00 won 3 votes

I was recently out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers, followed by a couple of bottles of red wine and then a few vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was just slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi.

On the way home, there was a police roadblock. But since it was a taxi, they waved it past, and I arrived safely home without incident. This was a real surprise to me.

Why?

Well, because I had never driven a taxi before.

3 votes

CATEGORY Dumb Criminals
posted by "HENNE" |
3 votes

An old farmer wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

"Don't know what collateral means."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1979 pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put it in my pocket."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.

"I don't know what deposit means."

"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"

3 votes

CATEGORY Farmer Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |