Best Jokes

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Change a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my truck.

Sergeant:
What kind of truck was it?

Husband:
A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin's. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up...

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.

Wife: I am coming with the broom.

Husband: It’s not urgent. You can come on foot.

A professor reproved his students for coming late to class. "This is a class in English composition," he remarked with sarcasm, "not an afternoon tea."

At the next meeting, one girl was twenty minutes late. The professor waited until she had taken her seat. Then he remarked bitingly, "How will you have your tea Miss Jones?"

"Without the lemon, please," Miss Jones answered quite gently.