"These are the proper names for the parts of the golf course," a father instructed his ten year old.
You start at the tee, walk down the fairway and put your ball in the hole on the green.
"But dad, what do you call that part where your ball gets lost in the tall grass?" his son asked.
"Oh that's what I call the un-fairway," he replied.
The wealthy socialite Mrs. Smythe was making final arrangements for an elaborate reception.
“Nora,” she said to her veteran servant, “for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing-room door and call the guests’ names as they arrive.”
Nora’s face lit up. “Thank you, ma’am,” she replied. “I’ve been wanting to do that to some of your friends for the last 20 years.”
There is never enough time to do it right the first time...
But there is always enough time to do it over!
Customer: "Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud."
Waiter: "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."