Best Jokes

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!

Deciding to give his wife a pleasant surprise, the husband took home some flowers and a box of candy. "Hazel, you look tired," he said to his wife. "Slip on your best outfit and lets go out to eat."

Hazel bursts into tears. "It was bad enough to have the baby fall down the back steps and burn my hand in the kitchen," she sobbed, "but to have you come home intoxicated is just too much!"

The real estate agent is following up with an elderly gentlemen after showing him a new home. Over the phone the agent indicated, "This house will be worth double what you paid for it in a few years."

The older gentleman laughs, "At my age, it's a risk buying green bananas."

The traveling salesman was passing through a small western town selling an elixir which he declared: "will make men live to a great age!"

"Look at me," he shouted. "Hale and hearty, I'm over 300 years old."

"Is he really as old as that?" a bystander ask the youthful assistant.

"I can't say," replied the assistant. "I've only worked for him for just over a 100 years."